i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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