So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
