i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
