It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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