She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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