I just made out with a guy for $7.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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