I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
