I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
