the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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