Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
