If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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