Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i think my cat just said my name.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
