8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So squirting runs in the family.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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