I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
