I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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