this is something i pride myself on being below average for
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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