i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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