Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize