can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
