could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
