Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
