i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
