apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
