forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
