Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
