So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
