Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
