Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
