im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
how does that bad decision feel?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
