For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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