Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
