Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
