porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
