oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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