If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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