I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
