she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
