That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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