Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
