sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
