best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
