I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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