I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
