Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
