took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
