I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
