The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
