i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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