wrigley field is MILF paradise
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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