You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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