The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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