brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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