The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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