I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
