i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
