Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
