yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
