i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
