If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm at about main and main street
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
