dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
