Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i think i just lost a toe
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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