I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i need to put some appletini on your dick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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