Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
