Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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