thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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