There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
