Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
