I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
