THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
